Well, I spoke to my brother this weekend and I asked him about the rumor regarding my dad's old boat Poppy. Well, turns out John doesn't want it, which is probably a good decision for John, but I think it will mean that the Poppy will eventually be scrapped. Ultimately it doesn't matter to me, not one iota. It will mean however for my brother, I believe, that he failed in carrying on some sort of legacy left to him by my father. It is a legacy, that Peter chose to accept, to uphold, to carry forth. I for one felt that it was a mistake from inception. I think at the time even he knew that, but could not face what he deemed as "failure". The reality is, that is was not a failure and that had Pete been more honest with himself, he would have chucked that boat (traded it in) long before it's real value had been completely depreciated, which is now the case. I believe he would be fortunate to find someone who would give him $1,000.00 for the boat, as it sits. I could be wrong however and in this case, I would be happy to be wrong, but unless there is something special about that boat that is not apparent to the casual observer, it is merely a sad testament to my brother's love of my father. A love that manifested itself in a strange expression of loyalty to retain one of those objects that my father dearly loved while he was living. I understand it, I simply wished it hadn't worked out this way, but as I said, I don't really care all that much, except to say it pains me to see my brother struggle so much with an object. And really, that's all it is, an object. The boat itself was not magical, I know my brother didn't even like it that much when my dad was living. It was a nice boat and all, but it never really "fit" my dad and I don't believe (and I don't think he believes) it fits my brother.
The bad news part of this entry is that in the same phone call my brother told me his eldest daughter, a beautiful girl of only 24 has breast cancer. It was devastating news as she was the first child of her generation in my family, my first niece, his first born. An intelligent, beautiful, but apparently troubled girl, a product of a bitter divorce and only recently reconcilled with her father from whom she was estranged for many years. It appears that she was struggling to make it in Chicago, working and schooling, after her mother more or less abandoned her to her own devices and returned to a southern clime (she was from Alabama and as far as I know always hated the north) and my niece continued on, in her own life, in Chicago. Being a student, she put off early detection because medical care in this country is rationed out to those who can afford it, not to those who need it most and now it sounds like she has a more advanced case and is going into chemotherapy. I choked down my tears a bit on the call and I know my brother is putting on a brave face, but I know inside, he's crushed, devastated and very worried.
Life just isn't fair.
I only know what my brother tells me, and I would never dare to ask nosey questions of my niece about her lifestyle or habits, but it's fair to say she has had a rough start in life and now this. It makes me angry. I don't know who to rage to or against (as if it would do any good) and I am so strangely disconnected, it's hard to cry. I am sad and I felt the sadness well up when I was told the news, but what do I do now? How do I interact with Pete? What do I do or say for/to my niece? I should drop her a line, an email, a call I suppose, but she will know it's because I've been given the bad news.
I'm at a loss.
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