No more suffering or pain-
I'm now living.
Thank you for your unselfish giving.
I'm at peace and I'm in no pain.
I'll look down on you through sun or rain and pray that your sadness ends soon.
Look up towards the moon, but don't cry for me-Because I'm finally free.
I'll once and for all be me.
God will take care of me now.
I chose those words from the book of things that the funeral director gave for all of us to look at. Life will be different without my sister. More peaceful and predictable in some ways, poorer in others. Through the years she suffered a great deal from her illness, but also from lack of understanding, kindness and ignorance. I only have two regrets with my sister, but as the "cancer man" on the X-files once said: "Regret is a consequence of living". I am at peace knowing I was on balance, a good brother, loving and caring. I worried a great deal about my sister at various times. Those times that I knew she wasn't very safe, or getting proper meals or medical attention. Those times are the sources of my greatest regrets. A good friend told me when we were very young when discussing his father whom from my vantage point was not a very good father that he was "doing the best he can" and in fact at any given time we are all doing the best we can. My friend was always much wiser than I, wise beyond his years. I've always been a late bloomer. Wisdom is an expensive commodity, I realize people like my friend have paid for their wisdom dearly. My wisdom, coming much later is no less expensive. I did the best I could under the circumstances.
Meanwhile, I am also in the fourth week of my new job. A strange place, but I think it will be a safe harbor in the economic hurricane that is going to be Southeastern Michigan. All in all, I am visiting strange, uncharted places.
My new year has gotten off to a rocky start. I wish you peace and prosperity in your new year.
